Archive for the ‘Of Change’ Category

My Dream.

Posted: March 8, 2010 in Of Change, Of Life, Things From My Heart
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Since I was 7, I had this dream. A dream to become someone who’s wearing this white coat, had this alien looking thing hanging around my neck, someone who makes other people feel better and their family members happy, just like that someone whom I thought would save my grandma but couldn’t..I was young, I thought since he couldn’t do it, maybe I could try..since then, I’ve been trying, am still trying and will continue trying..not to save my grandma (I understand that now, of course) but to become that someone.

But in this past few years, my dream changed. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking..but hold on, story haven’t finish yet..In the past 2/3 years, I’ve experienced so much, I’ve been places, seen things and have come to realise that what I’ve been dreaming of all this while will not satisfy me..Yes, of course I want to get there and I’m really fighting hard to get there..come to think of it, in 3 and a half years’ time, I’ll start being that person..then what?? I just go on living the next 30 years like that? I don’t think so, there’s definitely more to life..

My dream…is to have a dream that’s bigger than myself..I don’t know what it is yet, but I know that He’s revealing it to me little by little..I’ve never really felt it this strongly before..I’ve always thought of something more..like a porridge shop next to the clinic (haha) and other things like that but this time it’s different..It’s more than just the hospital or work, it’s more than just those lives who’re physically ill and can afford treatment, it’s about the lives that are out there..I also don’t know how to explain..but all I know is, I’m in.

In this coming weeks and months, I’ve been challenged to do something that is totally out of my capacity as I know it but I’m ready..like Pr Kenneth said yesterday “if you don’t feel the pinch, it’s not faith” I’m already feeling it, may even be a punch instead of a pinch but I know that this is something I have to do..well, here’s to putting up the first piece of puzzle onto the bigger dream for the next 10 years..these small steps will determine if I’ll be able to make those big steps when the time comes..once again, I surrender. =)

“If you’re part of my family, reading this and worrying that I don’t want to be a doctor anymore..don’t worry, I’m still going to be one. It’s just something more than that. *smiles*”

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New Year, New Life.

Posted: January 1, 2010 in Of Change, Of Life, Of New Things
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As 2009 came to an end..couldn’t help but feel super relieved..I stood there, watching the fireworks, people and noise all around me, but in my head, in my heart, a thousand things went past and suddenly, it just felt like I could release them..like it’s just a mark in my history, like I could move on..and it felt great.

2009, was a very long and hard year for me…SO many things happened, both good and bad…some I can’t do anything about, some I wish I could undo and some I wish would never ever happen again..Looking back at the year, I’ve experienced so much, I’ve gained, I’ve lost and I’ve learnt so much..maybe one day I’ll look back at this year and be grateful for it but for now, in all honesty, I thought 2009 was one of the toughest year I’ve ever been through..and I’m just so glad it’s over..I’m really praying that 2010 will be much better than 2009..

As for resolutions..don’t think I’ll have any..but there are things that I wanna see in my own life this year..some changes, improvements, additions, subtractions..not convenient to reveal it here but yea, maybe I’ll share when we’re going into 2011..and see if I achieved any of the things..=P really looking forward to a whole new “life”..Welcome, 2010!! I’ve been waiting for you for quite some time now..Am glad you’re here..=)

yeah, we’ve got no time..My most over-used phrase since sem 3 started is “got no time to poop also, where got time to (insert whatever activity that’s fun)?” it’s so true..we’ve really got no time…so much to study, so much to memorise and exam’s coming in less than a month’s time..sigh~ Here we go again…just that this time round, it’s much tougher…

recently, I’ve been on a mission..Someone told me that I should always compare myself to me..and try to beat myself and be better than me…That’s what I’ve been doing, letting myself get stretched beyond belief, not backing down when I know I can opt to, not giving up when I feel it’s so much easier that way..just believing that even through this process of molding and shaping, that at the end of the day, Eunice Pui would be a better person, inside out. I just wanna be a better me.

So many things happening this few weeks, some more significant than others but I’ve learnt so much, experienced so much, felt so much..There were times when I felt super happy, other times when I felt relaxed, free, like everything that’s bothering me just evaporated, there were also nights where I just can’t sleep, thinking about everything and my mind’s on overdrive..and not too long ago, I felt something new..I remember how I used to tell God “break my heart for what breaks Yours”..yeah, I felt it..hard..the tears that I held back, the anger right after, the disappointment and loneliness I felt, then the acceptance after that..knowing that it’s your decision at the end of the day and I can’t do anything to change it..Gave me a whole new meaning to the word “friends” actually..SO many things, SO MANY….

well anyways, I finally decided to spend some time blogging so I did..not much but good enough..haha! I think I wanna go watch The Proposal alone..I think I will..yes, I will..hehe..good night everyone!

Technical Difficulties..

Posted: April 30, 2009 in Of Change, Of Life
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Updating from KK…Am on study break now..Why do they even call it a break when it’s actually not a break? I’m sleeping at 3 or 4am every night, can’t sleep well cos I’m worried, feeling super stressed out cos I don’t know what to do, trying to cramp everything I can into my little brain, and the worst thing is…

img_3088

This. It’s right outside my house..and everyday when I’m TRYING very hard to memorise or remember something, they’re banging away..”The cardiac cycle is…*BAM!*” And there’s another one right beside it, they’re widening the roads right outside my house..and on top of that, my genius neighbour’s doing renovations…how awesome right? Due to these technical difficulties, I have to go back to KL earlier than the actual time..Next monday I’ll be flying back dy..*sniff* will miss my bed and the good food..

Besides all this exams stuff, banyak lagi going on in my mind..

Last Sunday was like a huge turning point in my life…Won’t go into details but during evening service, half way through the message I was already tearing..(Pr Andy did a great job that night, thanks!) and during the altar call, I was crying buckets dy..God spoke so clearly to me and I really felt like alot of my burdens were lifted off..Just felt like someone finally understands how I feel, the stress, pressure, disappointments, He knows…

He also told me about something else in my life, something that requires me to die to myself, something that I had to decide there and then if I’d obey, it’s so serious that it’s serious..everything was SO real that day, I don’t know why but I just couldn’t stop crying..not even to sing the last praise song..Don’t think I’ve ever cried that long in a public place before..I guess it didn’t matter cos I still had “stuff” that He wanted to deal with..and now, I have decided. So it’s all cool..I know I might have confused you, I’m sorry, maybe one day when everything works out, I’ll share ok? =)

So yeah, that’s a little update on what I’ve been up to..actually just so that I know I’m alive and not insane yet.. =P Here’s to another one week plus of crazy studying, late nights and zombies! Bring it on……

Kota Kinabalu

Posted: January 18, 2009 in Of Change, Of Life
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Life in KK so far…has been boring relaxing…got nothing much to do here compared to if I’m in KL..over there almost everyday got something on, flyering, prayer service, homes, etc. so much fun actually and I’m quite bummed that I’m kinda missing out..KK is fine without me bah kan, haha..summore alot of my friends left dy so not alot of hanging outs to do…so what’s been happening?

1) I got sick
like really really sick..It all started on Wednesday, I got back from lunch and a movie with my high school friends and i crashed after that..Diarrhea and vomiting for 4 days non-stop (actually stopped vomiting after 2 days)..I slept for more than half a day on wed night..6pm-10am, so cool right? couldn’t get out of bed..haha..went to see the doctor already so now I’m on meds, feeling funny from time to time but much better dy…=) thanks for the prayers and “how are u doing?” on skype or msn..such awesome friends I have..hehe

2) Media Mania
I watched SO many movies, series and anime in the past week compared to the past month or so…I’m so full of them that I don’t even need to eat anymore..okay, too much exaggeration…but seriously…One Tree Hill & Gossip Girl new episodes, started watching Avatar since some of them said it’s good stuff, Forgetting Sarah Marshall (yucks!), Four Christmases (ok ok only), Australia (nice movie, I like.), The Rocker (super funny), Black Hawk Down (awesome!), Music and Lyrics (Pop goes my heart), Yes Man (haha), Be Kind Rewind (a waste of time). 4 episodes of drama series, 15 episodes of anime, and 8 movies in 6 days..I’m such a slacker…I’ve still got August Rush and The Kite Runner (I’m sorry I brought it all the way to KK Jophy, I’ll return it when I go back to KL, hehe)..will watch them in Kuching I guess..Ann Nyee can watch with me..haha =P

3) I got a haircut
Yeah…again…New year mah, must have new hair la…haha! I’ve got really short hair now, so not used to it..kinda miss my long messy emo hair, but then i think i still have my emo thing going on with this one..sigh~ don’t know what got into me…*sniff*

photo-85This is how short it is now…*cries*
Why Eunice, why??

So yeah, those are like the highlights of my week back here in KK…going off to Kuching tomoro evening..really hope my stomach will get better, all the kam pua waiting for me! *drools* 

Things I have to do in Kch:
– Hang out with Ann Nyee
– Finish COP report (yeah, haven’t done yet..=P)
– Eat kam pua!!! 

The list might get longer but for now, that’s all that I have in mind..haha! Here we go! 


In the beginning..

Posted: October 24, 2008 in Of Change
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Uber closed down. All my posts are gone…and they said they would save it…they lied. *sniff*

Here I am.

Starting something new again..

I’ll start posting next month, let me drown in my sadness of losing my uber first..