Archive for the ‘Things From My Heart’ Category

Death.
The end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.
denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
We know all these so well, but when it hits you, everything fails, nothing makes sense.
“it’s okay” is not okay, all you can and want to do is get rid of the pain, no matter what it takes.
Crying, shouting, loud music, even quietness, just don’t work.

Life.
The period of existence, activity, or effectiveness of something.
Waking up in the morning, still breathing, hearing your own heart beat in the silence, signs of life.
What are we doing with “life”?
Holding grudges, being emo, not forgiving, complaining..basically, wasting.

I’ve learnt so much about life through death. you’ve taught me so much.
To live, to love, to cherish..
To be sincere, to be all that I can be, to make every moment count.

I may not know you personally, but through the stories, pictures, videos, I really wished I did.
Seeing how you lived your life, made me wanna live mine better.
Hearing about everything that you’ve done, made me think about how much more you could have done.
Looking at all the lives you’ve impacted, made me wonder how many people I have touched.
Being at your memorial with so many people, I wonder how many people would be at mine.

“Hey Joash, just wanna let you know that I’m really blessed by your life and even though you’re gone now, you’ll forever be in each and every one of our hearts. I don’t know how long more I have to live, but you’ve definitely made me wanna live better. Thanks for that. I really hope that I’ll meet you one day in Heaven.”

Encouraged. Inspired.
By someone I’ve met probably only once.

“When you get a right perspective on death, you’d get a right perspective on life.”

In loving memory of Joash Wee.

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6 Months

Posted: May 16, 2010 in Of Life, Things From My Heart

that’s all the time I have left in IMU Bukit Jalil. and I will do everything I can to make this 6 months count, to reach as many medical students, pharmacists, nutritionist, etc.

I will not back down, I will not let the enemy tell me that I’m just like everyone else, because I’m not. I will fight to the end, I will stand my ground, I will do it even if I were the only one left.

I want to see a new breed of medical students..the future doctors of this nation..I will not compromise and I will not make excuses nor live a life lesser than what God wants to me live. And I will not let anyone who’s under my care buy into what the enemy has to say or do..give me back my students.

I want to see change. I want to BE the change. Lord, help me.

What comes first?

Posted: April 4, 2010 in Of Life, Things From My Heart
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Lately, with so many things going on, I’ve been feeling like I’m a “part-time-student”..I’m trying to revise and catch up with my studies and all but it hasn’t been easy..I can’t really stop doing the other things also cos those are the things that I want to do and am passionate about..so yeah, am definitely not in a very comfortable position..

but today, I sorta caught a revelation when I was in church..it IS true that I’m a part-time student..and you know why? because I’m a full-time disciple..everything that we do, say, think, etc. should be reflecting what we’re called to preach about ie Jesus! So what, if I don’t have the same amount of time to study like all my other classmates do? should I be fearful? No! because I believe and trust that if I put God first, He will look after me because He loves me and wants the best for me..He’s not putting me through all this to torture me, but to let me know that He’s made me for more than just “normal”, that I really CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I know that because I know Him.

So no matter what problems I have, in my studies, finances, relationships, I know that it’ll all be alright..All I gotta do is surrender and trust, listen and obey, and He’ll settle it for me..No one else can give me that assurance, except Him. No one else can make me feel safe, except Him. No one else can know what I really feel, except Him. And so, to no one else will I run to, except Him. I’ve come to realize and experience a whole new meaning of His love for me..just so amazingly awesome. =)

Just me and You, that’s enough for me.


My Dream.

Posted: March 8, 2010 in Of Change, Of Life, Things From My Heart
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Since I was 7, I had this dream. A dream to become someone who’s wearing this white coat, had this alien looking thing hanging around my neck, someone who makes other people feel better and their family members happy, just like that someone whom I thought would save my grandma but couldn’t..I was young, I thought since he couldn’t do it, maybe I could try..since then, I’ve been trying, am still trying and will continue trying..not to save my grandma (I understand that now, of course) but to become that someone.

But in this past few years, my dream changed. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking..but hold on, story haven’t finish yet..In the past 2/3 years, I’ve experienced so much, I’ve been places, seen things and have come to realise that what I’ve been dreaming of all this while will not satisfy me..Yes, of course I want to get there and I’m really fighting hard to get there..come to think of it, in 3 and a half years’ time, I’ll start being that person..then what?? I just go on living the next 30 years like that? I don’t think so, there’s definitely more to life..

My dream…is to have a dream that’s bigger than myself..I don’t know what it is yet, but I know that He’s revealing it to me little by little..I’ve never really felt it this strongly before..I’ve always thought of something more..like a porridge shop next to the clinic (haha) and other things like that but this time it’s different..It’s more than just the hospital or work, it’s more than just those lives who’re physically ill and can afford treatment, it’s about the lives that are out there..I also don’t know how to explain..but all I know is, I’m in.

In this coming weeks and months, I’ve been challenged to do something that is totally out of my capacity as I know it but I’m ready..like Pr Kenneth said yesterday “if you don’t feel the pinch, it’s not faith” I’m already feeling it, may even be a punch instead of a pinch but I know that this is something I have to do..well, here’s to putting up the first piece of puzzle onto the bigger dream for the next 10 years..these small steps will determine if I’ll be able to make those big steps when the time comes..once again, I surrender. =)

“If you’re part of my family, reading this and worrying that I don’t want to be a doctor anymore..don’t worry, I’m still going to be one. It’s just something more than that. *smiles*”

On the first day of 2010…

I saw the first sunrise of the year. A bunch of us went up Broga Hill and it was awesome! Not a very challenging climb except that there were alot of people who were there with the same intention so we were stuck in human jam..Was the first to reach the first peak (3 peaks in total), and was super glad that I got there on time to catch the sun rise (I cheated a little on some parts, I ran up =P)..It meant SO much to me..Can’t really express how I felt at that moment but the significance, overwhelmed me a little..just standing there, taking a deep breath while the sun crept up, I was ready…ready to leave things behind, ready to cross over, into something new, into the unknown..but one thing I’m sure and I felt it right there and then, I’m loved.

2010, will be my last year in KL..one more year for me to see change, to impact someone’s life, to be different, to make a difference. Am I ready? I don’t know. I want to be. “Prepare me for what lies ahead, everything’s so uncertain but I know You have it all planned out, You know where this is going, help me stay on track.”

2010, I’ll be 21..the beginning of the “best years of my life” so they say..I hope I start well, I hope I can look back at this year and say I’m proud of myself..I’m sure there will be alot of changes,  things added into my life (like responsibilities and stuff la, stop thinking otherwise =P), things subtracted, multiplied and divided. It’s time to grow up, mentally, spiritually and emotionally..and to stop monkey-ing around..time to be more serious! haha.. “Please make me the person You want me to be, this year, help me be better..A better daughter, sister, friend, disciple, leader, classmate, etc. I want Your best for me.”

Just a few pictures I took..nice place..would love to go again soon..Happy New Year everyone..=)

De-cember

Posted: December 16, 2009 in Of emo-ness, Things From My Heart
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I wrote a whole long page of stuff. Pressed “command + a”, “delete”. I guess some things are better left unsaid.

I know it’s Christmas time, but I’m so not feeling it..got a message just last night saying “KK is different without you..” but you know what? I’m different without KK..Christmas is different without family around..sigh~ After everything that has happened this year, still not letting me go eh? Just gotta mess me up till the very end? well, you know what, 2009? Bring it on, you’re ending soon anyways..

And…last but not least, just gotta say…EOS IS KILLING ME….=S

Dream.

Posted: November 16, 2009 in Of Life, Of Personal, Things From My Heart
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Do you have one? I’m sure you do..everyone has at least one dream..and for me, I think I have quite a few..Some are on the more material side like I wanna own a nice house one day where I can see the sunset and take pictures everyday (and that includes me owning a nice DSLR =P) while others are more on the spiritual/personal side like…nah, I won’t say..but yeah, was just thinking about my dreams and how I’m being molded and shaped to get to that place..it’s not easy, seriously, but I think I’d rather go through it all than not..hmmm..still thinking..am on one of those random thinking sessions..=P

Just had my summative on Friday…was quite hard but then I did my best and I’m just gonna leave the rest to God..tried something new this time, something I learnt from church not too long ago..I claimed God’s best for my life and asked Him for peace and really just relied on Him..I’ve never gone for an exam being this calm before..seriously. so yeah, will update again when I get my results..hopefully I’ll get the testimony I’m asking for 😉

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

Lord, You know all the desires of my heart..whether or not I’ve told anyone, You know. So help me to delight myself in You, prepare me for the things that are in my “list” and help me live a life worthy of my calling. Thanks! =)