Posts Tagged ‘Goodbyes’

Death.
The end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.
denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
We know all these so well, but when it hits you, everything fails, nothing makes sense.
“it’s okay” is not okay, all you can and want to do is get rid of the pain, no matter what it takes.
Crying, shouting, loud music, even quietness, just don’t work.

Life.
The period of existence, activity, or effectiveness of something.
Waking up in the morning, still breathing, hearing your own heart beat in the silence, signs of life.
What are we doing with “life”?
Holding grudges, being emo, not forgiving, complaining..basically, wasting.

I’ve learnt so much about life through death. you’ve taught me so much.
To live, to love, to cherish..
To be sincere, to be all that I can be, to make every moment count.

I may not know you personally, but through the stories, pictures, videos, I really wished I did.
Seeing how you lived your life, made me wanna live mine better.
Hearing about everything that you’ve done, made me think about how much more you could have done.
Looking at all the lives you’ve impacted, made me wonder how many people I have touched.
Being at your memorial with so many people, I wonder how many people would be at mine.

“Hey Joash, just wanna let you know that I’m really blessed by your life and even though you’re gone now, you’ll forever be in each and every one of our hearts. I don’t know how long more I have to live, but you’ve definitely made me wanna live better. Thanks for that. I really hope that I’ll meet you one day in Heaven.”

Encouraged. Inspired.
By someone I’ve met probably only once.

“When you get a right perspective on death, you’d get a right perspective on life.”

In loving memory of Joash Wee.

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Misses.

Posted: October 3, 2009 in Of Personal, Things From My Heart
Tags: , ,

I still find it difficult to hold back the tears when they talked about you just now at dinner. I’m supposed to let it go, to go on with life, but I guess it’s not that easy to forget someone who’s so close to the heart. They were talking about how you showed your love in the weirdest ways ever but the message still got through and we know that you loved us. Like the times when you packed my favourite green longans in a big box all the way from Kapit just because you know I love them, or times when you secretly brought durians on the plane just because you know it’s the best kind and you want us to have it. I don’t know when I’ll ever get to eat the green longans again but I know that if I ever do, I’ll think about you every single time.

How’s the view up there? Must be pretty cool eh? I wished you get to be at Abel’s wedding, I know you would have loved to..and I know I promised you some things, I’ll keep the promise. Basically, I just wanted you to know that…

I MISS YOU.

Goodbye 2

Posted: March 3, 2009 in Of Life
Tags: , ,

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to have 2 funerals in less than a month? Step into my shoes and you’ll know.

My uncle passed away last Saturday, 28 February 2009, at 6pm after battling cancer for a few months..Refer to 2 post before this and you’ll know my grandpa just passed away in February also..I’ve never been in a harder situation compared to this, seriously. Being in IMU is already a very very tough thing to deal with, some more with the juniors’ orientation (where I’m an orientation officer), and with another 7 weeks till my exams, all the PBLs, Labs, catching up with studies and on top of that, 2 funerals?!?! Someone really wants to kill me I think..Please stop this prank right now, I beg you..I’ll be good, I promise..PLEASE.

My uncle’s life was an awesome testimony..how he came back to God and totally depended on Him was truly inspiring and I’m really glad to know that now he’s in a much better place and that he didn’t have to suffer the pain any longer..One of the last few memories I have of him was when I went back to Kuching for Chinese New Year in January..he was already in ALOT of pain then, he couldn’t get out of bed and was really weak..but he knows how much I love to eat the stewed pork that he made, so he asked me one day if I want it to be the dark sauce one or just the pork cooked and eat with soya sauce..I was so shocked that he asked me cause I didn’t know what to answer..he can’t cook already so what was I supposed to do? I thought about it for awhile and told him that I like the dark sauce one and told him that he didn’t have to cook for me because auntie is already preparing it..she was actually, so that made him happy..I really wanted to help him as much as I could..I did more leg lifting, wheel chair pushing and stuff like that..couldn’t do much but I’m glad I did..Never would’ve gotten the chance to do so again if I didn’t..

The other thing that made me cry everytime I think about it is the whole scene when I said goodbye to him on the day I left Kuching..I didn’t wanna breakdown or anything like that that but when I said “Ni Gio, I’m leaving..” I started sobbing like a baby…He cried as well and that was the first time I’ve seen him cry in my whole entire life..that made me cry even more..I gave him a hug, told him that I’ll be praying for him, ask him to take care and then I left..and that was the last time I saw him.

“Ni Gio, I know that you’re already in heaven with Ngiu and Duai Gio..You are truly and greatly missed back here..I really wished I could’ve done something to made you feel better, maybe even saved you..but I couldn’t..I’m glad that you don’t have to suffer all the pain that the cancer is giving you anymore but on the other hand, it’s hard to lose someone you love..I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it back for your funeral, I really wanted to be there with the family but it was too rushed and I have a test today..I know you’d understand..I admire you for being so strong in spite of everything that has happened to you, and how you learnt to pray and cry out to God everytime you were in pain or needed comforting..I know you asked God to take you back home and He did..I’m really gonna miss you, see you again someday ok?”

As for me, I’ll just have to keep my head up, my spirit strong and face whatever’s coming my way with a big smile on my face and a bigger God by my side..Truly “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.

*thank u everyone for the sms-es, skype msgs, calls, prayers and encouragements..you don’t know how much that means to me..really appreciate it.

Goodbye.

Posted: February 11, 2009 in Of Life
Tags: , , , ,

Ngiu,

How are you doing up in heaven? I’m sure you’re really happy yea? I hope you could read this up there..you might need some translation but I’m sure you can find someone who’s able to help you..We really miss you back here, but we’re glad that you’re in a better place now..Please send my regards to gung gung and po po if you see them ok? 

Can’t believe it was just less than a week since I saw you then you left us already..when I got the news, I was thinking to myself, what if I’ve stayed longer? since Monday was a holiday, why did I go back so early? I could have spent more time with you..I know I wouldn’t be of any help but I did enjoy sitting with you, helping you move your legs and just being there..You’re the first person that I’m close to who’s left..I guess it was just something new for me and I didn’t really know how to handle it..I prayed that night and asked God if you’re with Him and if you were happy..I felt peace after that..I guess I’m not really sad that you left cause you have lived 95 years and I don’t want to see you suffer any longer with your condition then, but I’m just really heavy hearted to let you go..I didn’t wanna cry but I couldn’t help it..

You’ve been an awesome grandfather to me and I really want to thank you for that..I’ve learnt so many things from you, like generosity..you’ve never been stingy with the things you had..One thing that I remember is that you’re always giving out money, sweets, oranges, asking people to go eat..No one will ever go hungry when they’re with you..And I know you loved me a lot, thinking about how you learnt how to speak one phrase of english just to talk to me always bring tears to my eyes..I will always remember “Tomorrow eat mee?” and I still remember that I’d always tell you that I’ll treat you next time and you’ll always say “haiyo..when you start working, don’t know if Ngiu is still here..” and I always said “yes, you will..” but now you’re gone, and I still didn’t get to belanja you..that was the one thing that kept playing in my mind..i know it might sound silly but I really wanted to hold on to that thought of you still being around and me bringing you for noodles..

I know you might probably be worried about ngie ma..we are too..but I know that she’ll be fine..Both of you have raised up really great children and I’m sure that they will look after ngie ma..so don’t worry ok? I promise to always keep an eye out for her as well..Many of them might have already told you, but I’m here to give you my word..I’m studying to become a doctor now and I know you’re already very proud of me..I promise to work hard, get really good grades and be the best that I can be..I won’t let you down..And when I start earning money, I will bless others, pay for meals, give to the needy..just like you did..

I’m very glad that you’re my ngiu..I’m really scared that one day I’ll start to forget how you looked like but you will always be in my heart no matter what..It still saddens me that I didn’t get to be there when you left but I know I’ve got to move on..that’s what you would want for all of us yea? I guess that’s it..just wanted you to know that I really miss you, I’ll see you again one day, and I love you.

Your grand-daughter,
Eunice.