Posts Tagged ‘Hopes’

What comes first?

Posted: April 4, 2010 in Of Life, Things From My Heart
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Lately, with so many things going on, I’ve been feeling like I’m a “part-time-student”..I’m trying to revise and catch up with my studies and all but it hasn’t been easy..I can’t really stop doing the other things also cos those are the things that I want to do and am passionate about..so yeah, am definitely not in a very comfortable position..

but today, I sorta caught a revelation when I was in church..it IS true that I’m a part-time student..and you know why? because I’m a full-time disciple..everything that we do, say, think, etc. should be reflecting what we’re called to preach about ie Jesus! So what, if I don’t have the same amount of time to study like all my other classmates do? should I be fearful? No! because I believe and trust that if I put God first, He will look after me because He loves me and wants the best for me..He’s not putting me through all this to torture me, but to let me know that He’s made me for more than just “normal”, that I really CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I know that because I know Him.

So no matter what problems I have, in my studies, finances, relationships, I know that it’ll all be alright..All I gotta do is surrender and trust, listen and obey, and He’ll settle it for me..No one else can give me that assurance, except Him. No one else can make me feel safe, except Him. No one else can know what I really feel, except Him. And so, to no one else will I run to, except Him. I’ve come to realize and experience a whole new meaning of His love for me..just so amazingly awesome. =)

Just me and You, that’s enough for me.


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My Dream.

Posted: March 8, 2010 in Of Change, Of Life, Things From My Heart
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Since I was 7, I had this dream. A dream to become someone who’s wearing this white coat, had this alien looking thing hanging around my neck, someone who makes other people feel better and their family members happy, just like that someone whom I thought would save my grandma but couldn’t..I was young, I thought since he couldn’t do it, maybe I could try..since then, I’ve been trying, am still trying and will continue trying..not to save my grandma (I understand that now, of course) but to become that someone.

But in this past few years, my dream changed. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking..but hold on, story haven’t finish yet..In the past 2/3 years, I’ve experienced so much, I’ve been places, seen things and have come to realise that what I’ve been dreaming of all this while will not satisfy me..Yes, of course I want to get there and I’m really fighting hard to get there..come to think of it, in 3 and a half years’ time, I’ll start being that person..then what?? I just go on living the next 30 years like that? I don’t think so, there’s definitely more to life..

My dream…is to have a dream that’s bigger than myself..I don’t know what it is yet, but I know that He’s revealing it to me little by little..I’ve never really felt it this strongly before..I’ve always thought of something more..like a porridge shop next to the clinic (haha) and other things like that but this time it’s different..It’s more than just the hospital or work, it’s more than just those lives who’re physically ill and can afford treatment, it’s about the lives that are out there..I also don’t know how to explain..but all I know is, I’m in.

In this coming weeks and months, I’ve been challenged to do something that is totally out of my capacity as I know it but I’m ready..like Pr Kenneth said yesterday “if you don’t feel the pinch, it’s not faith” I’m already feeling it, may even be a punch instead of a pinch but I know that this is something I have to do..well, here’s to putting up the first piece of puzzle onto the bigger dream for the next 10 years..these small steps will determine if I’ll be able to make those big steps when the time comes..once again, I surrender. =)

“If you’re part of my family, reading this and worrying that I don’t want to be a doctor anymore..don’t worry, I’m still going to be one. It’s just something more than that. *smiles*”

On the first day of 2010…

I saw the first sunrise of the year. A bunch of us went up Broga Hill and it was awesome! Not a very challenging climb except that there were alot of people who were there with the same intention so we were stuck in human jam..Was the first to reach the first peak (3 peaks in total), and was super glad that I got there on time to catch the sun rise (I cheated a little on some parts, I ran up =P)..It meant SO much to me..Can’t really express how I felt at that moment but the significance, overwhelmed me a little..just standing there, taking a deep breath while the sun crept up, I was ready…ready to leave things behind, ready to cross over, into something new, into the unknown..but one thing I’m sure and I felt it right there and then, I’m loved.

2010, will be my last year in KL..one more year for me to see change, to impact someone’s life, to be different, to make a difference. Am I ready? I don’t know. I want to be. “Prepare me for what lies ahead, everything’s so uncertain but I know You have it all planned out, You know where this is going, help me stay on track.”

2010, I’ll be 21..the beginning of the “best years of my life” so they say..I hope I start well, I hope I can look back at this year and say I’m proud of myself..I’m sure there will be alot of changes,  things added into my life (like responsibilities and stuff la, stop thinking otherwise =P), things subtracted, multiplied and divided. It’s time to grow up, mentally, spiritually and emotionally..and to stop monkey-ing around..time to be more serious! haha.. “Please make me the person You want me to be, this year, help me be better..A better daughter, sister, friend, disciple, leader, classmate, etc. I want Your best for me.”

Just a few pictures I took..nice place..would love to go again soon..Happy New Year everyone..=)

New Year, New Life.

Posted: January 1, 2010 in Of Change, Of Life, Of New Things
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As 2009 came to an end..couldn’t help but feel super relieved..I stood there, watching the fireworks, people and noise all around me, but in my head, in my heart, a thousand things went past and suddenly, it just felt like I could release them..like it’s just a mark in my history, like I could move on..and it felt great.

2009, was a very long and hard year for me…SO many things happened, both good and bad…some I can’t do anything about, some I wish I could undo and some I wish would never ever happen again..Looking back at the year, I’ve experienced so much, I’ve gained, I’ve lost and I’ve learnt so much..maybe one day I’ll look back at this year and be grateful for it but for now, in all honesty, I thought 2009 was one of the toughest year I’ve ever been through..and I’m just so glad it’s over..I’m really praying that 2010 will be much better than 2009..

As for resolutions..don’t think I’ll have any..but there are things that I wanna see in my own life this year..some changes, improvements, additions, subtractions..not convenient to reveal it here but yea, maybe I’ll share when we’re going into 2011..and see if I achieved any of the things..=P really looking forward to a whole new “life”..Welcome, 2010!! I’ve been waiting for you for quite some time now..Am glad you’re here..=)

Dream.

Posted: November 16, 2009 in Of Life, Of Personal, Things From My Heart
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Do you have one? I’m sure you do..everyone has at least one dream..and for me, I think I have quite a few..Some are on the more material side like I wanna own a nice house one day where I can see the sunset and take pictures everyday (and that includes me owning a nice DSLR =P) while others are more on the spiritual/personal side like…nah, I won’t say..but yeah, was just thinking about my dreams and how I’m being molded and shaped to get to that place..it’s not easy, seriously, but I think I’d rather go through it all than not..hmmm..still thinking..am on one of those random thinking sessions..=P

Just had my summative on Friday…was quite hard but then I did my best and I’m just gonna leave the rest to God..tried something new this time, something I learnt from church not too long ago..I claimed God’s best for my life and asked Him for peace and really just relied on Him..I’ve never gone for an exam being this calm before..seriously. so yeah, will update again when I get my results..hopefully I’ll get the testimony I’m asking for 😉

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

Lord, You know all the desires of my heart..whether or not I’ve told anyone, You know. So help me to delight myself in You, prepare me for the things that are in my “list” and help me live a life worthy of my calling. Thanks! =)

 

Revelation.

Posted: September 17, 2009 in Of Personal, Things From My Heart
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There are only some things in life that can make you tear or feel something deep down inside, and I know I experienced one of those things for me today..It could be totally ridiculous to some, nonsense to others but it meant so much to me..

In between classes today, we had an opportunity to watch the video that the Laos team made about their trip..was the trip that I was supposed to go on but couldn’t in the end due to some technical difficulties..I was super sad when I didn’t get to go but that’s another story altogether..They showed videos and pictures of what they did and stuff and some people were complaining that it was taking too long..but while I watched, I couldn’t help but hold back my tears..if it weren’t for the people around me who were like “ehh..why the video so long wan..?” I think I would’ve cried..It wasn’t because I was there during the trip and I felt like I miss the place and was emo..I don’t really know why but my heart just went out to the people there..

If you know me well enough, you’ll know that I get really upset when I hear about people spending money on useless things and wasting money like no one’s business..it’s not because I judge them or anything but I know that there are people out there who can’t even afford to buy proper clothes, don’t even have a place to stay and there are kids out there who eat plain flour and think that it’s the nicest thing in the world (this one’s closer to home, I saw that at our very own OA trip) so don’t talk about social status and all..we’re all under one BIG family, living in one BIG home called Earth. Why can’t we do our part to make it a better place?

I’ve always liked going for mission trips and stuff but I think today, I just knew it..like so super clearly..that this would be something I wanna do in the future..I want to help these people, I want them to live better lives, I want to do my part in making this world a better place..I don’t know what, where and how exactly yet but I know that I want to.

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.”

This is my dream. Without form, void and dark. Please hover over it, Lord.

Baby2

Here’s the 2nd picture of my nephew-to-be..He’s now 11cm big..
would love to bring to him on some mission trips next time..would be quite cool eh? =)

Have you ever had days where you just feel like everything you do seem worthless, like no matter how much you do, it’s not good enough to meet expectations, to get what you want, to be the best..No matter what, you’re just that little bit off the mark..basically, you’re just discouraged and you wanna give up..I just had one of those few days back..

Was studying for my summative exams on that fateful day when I suddenly realise that I can’t finish every single lecture, I can’t even try..It’s just so impossible and at that moment, I felt like giving up..there are other things that I’ve yet to settle, so many pending “assignments” and I just feel like leaving everything behind and escape somewhere..and then, I received something..

UltrasoundNo, it’s not mine.

Say hello to my nephew/niece to be..To make the post easier, I’ll pretend it’s a boy ok? and if it happens to be a girl, I’ll come back and change..=) Words can’t express the joy I felt when I saw this picture..I don’t know how to explain, but it somehow came at just the right time and it really encouraged me in a way that I’ve never felt before..In a somehow matured and adult way..It got me thinking about the baby, how he’s gonna be like, who is he gonna look like and stuff..and then it led to..What kind of auntie will I be to him? What kind of legacy will I be leaving for him? What are we, as people of this generation, doing to help the next generation?

And that really stirred up this spirit of just wanting to be the best that I can ever be..so that one day when he’s going through what I’m going through now, I can tell him that he’ll make it, without being a total hypocrite..that maybe one day, just maybe, he’ll say “when I grow up, I wanna be just like you..” it brought me to a place where I could see a piece of the bigger picture, of why we’re doing the things we’re doing now..it’s for them..we’re running this race now, charting new paths, going through different challenges so that in the future they can follow us, run along with us and hopefully someday, run ahead of us and do even greater things..and because of that, I won’t give up..I will hold on to this baton, and I will pass it on..

“Hey you, don’t even know what your name’s gonna be yet but thanks. Even though you’re only 7.73cm big right now, you’ve already made a difference in my life..Just like how your dad has always been there for me at just the right time, you’ve done that for me this time..Wow, you’re already following in his footsteps..haha..I can’t wait till you come into this world although I think it’ll be safer in there but I know you’re gonna grow up to be a great person..I hope you’ll read this one day when you feel discouraged and know that you’re awesome, even since u were only 7.73cm..I hope that I’ll be cool and you’ll like me, and I’m sure you’ll love our family cos I’d never trade it for any other family in the world..Be safe, and I’ll see you soon! =D  Much love, Eunice.”