Posts Tagged ‘Prayers’

My Dream.

Posted: March 8, 2010 in Of Change, Of Life, Things From My Heart
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Since I was 7, I had this dream. A dream to become someone who’s wearing this white coat, had this alien looking thing hanging around my neck, someone who makes other people feel better and their family members happy, just like that someone whom I thought would save my grandma but couldn’t..I was young, I thought since he couldn’t do it, maybe I could try..since then, I’ve been trying, am still trying and will continue trying..not to save my grandma (I understand that now, of course) but to become that someone.

But in this past few years, my dream changed. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking..but hold on, story haven’t finish yet..In the past 2/3 years, I’ve experienced so much, I’ve been places, seen things and have come to realise that what I’ve been dreaming of all this while will not satisfy me..Yes, of course I want to get there and I’m really fighting hard to get there..come to think of it, in 3 and a half years’ time, I’ll start being that person..then what?? I just go on living the next 30 years like that? I don’t think so, there’s definitely more to life..

My dream…is to have a dream that’s bigger than myself..I don’t know what it is yet, but I know that He’s revealing it to me little by little..I’ve never really felt it this strongly before..I’ve always thought of something more..like a porridge shop next to the clinic (haha) and other things like that but this time it’s different..It’s more than just the hospital or work, it’s more than just those lives who’re physically ill and can afford treatment, it’s about the lives that are out there..I also don’t know how to explain..but all I know is, I’m in.

In this coming weeks and months, I’ve been challenged to do something that is totally out of my capacity as I know it but I’m ready..like Pr Kenneth said yesterday “if you don’t feel the pinch, it’s not faith” I’m already feeling it, may even be a punch instead of a pinch but I know that this is something I have to do..well, here’s to putting up the first piece of puzzle onto the bigger dream for the next 10 years..these small steps will determine if I’ll be able to make those big steps when the time comes..once again, I surrender. =)

“If you’re part of my family, reading this and worrying that I don’t want to be a doctor anymore..don’t worry, I’m still going to be one. It’s just something more than that. *smiles*”

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Dream.

Posted: November 16, 2009 in Of Life, Of Personal, Things From My Heart
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Do you have one? I’m sure you do..everyone has at least one dream..and for me, I think I have quite a few..Some are on the more material side like I wanna own a nice house one day where I can see the sunset and take pictures everyday (and that includes me owning a nice DSLR =P) while others are more on the spiritual/personal side like…nah, I won’t say..but yeah, was just thinking about my dreams and how I’m being molded and shaped to get to that place..it’s not easy, seriously, but I think I’d rather go through it all than not..hmmm..still thinking..am on one of those random thinking sessions..=P

Just had my summative on Friday…was quite hard but then I did my best and I’m just gonna leave the rest to God..tried something new this time, something I learnt from church not too long ago..I claimed God’s best for my life and asked Him for peace and really just relied on Him..I’ve never gone for an exam being this calm before..seriously. so yeah, will update again when I get my results..hopefully I’ll get the testimony I’m asking for 😉

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

Lord, You know all the desires of my heart..whether or not I’ve told anyone, You know. So help me to delight myself in You, prepare me for the things that are in my “list” and help me live a life worthy of my calling. Thanks! =)

 

Revelation.

Posted: September 17, 2009 in Of Personal, Things From My Heart
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There are only some things in life that can make you tear or feel something deep down inside, and I know I experienced one of those things for me today..It could be totally ridiculous to some, nonsense to others but it meant so much to me..

In between classes today, we had an opportunity to watch the video that the Laos team made about their trip..was the trip that I was supposed to go on but couldn’t in the end due to some technical difficulties..I was super sad when I didn’t get to go but that’s another story altogether..They showed videos and pictures of what they did and stuff and some people were complaining that it was taking too long..but while I watched, I couldn’t help but hold back my tears..if it weren’t for the people around me who were like “ehh..why the video so long wan..?” I think I would’ve cried..It wasn’t because I was there during the trip and I felt like I miss the place and was emo..I don’t really know why but my heart just went out to the people there..

If you know me well enough, you’ll know that I get really upset when I hear about people spending money on useless things and wasting money like no one’s business..it’s not because I judge them or anything but I know that there are people out there who can’t even afford to buy proper clothes, don’t even have a place to stay and there are kids out there who eat plain flour and think that it’s the nicest thing in the world (this one’s closer to home, I saw that at our very own OA trip) so don’t talk about social status and all..we’re all under one BIG family, living in one BIG home called Earth. Why can’t we do our part to make it a better place?

I’ve always liked going for mission trips and stuff but I think today, I just knew it..like so super clearly..that this would be something I wanna do in the future..I want to help these people, I want them to live better lives, I want to do my part in making this world a better place..I don’t know what, where and how exactly yet but I know that I want to.

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.”

This is my dream. Without form, void and dark. Please hover over it, Lord.

Baby2

Here’s the 2nd picture of my nephew-to-be..He’s now 11cm big..
would love to bring to him on some mission trips next time..would be quite cool eh? =)

Have you ever had days where you just feel like everything you do seem worthless, like no matter how much you do, it’s not good enough to meet expectations, to get what you want, to be the best..No matter what, you’re just that little bit off the mark..basically, you’re just discouraged and you wanna give up..I just had one of those few days back..

Was studying for my summative exams on that fateful day when I suddenly realise that I can’t finish every single lecture, I can’t even try..It’s just so impossible and at that moment, I felt like giving up..there are other things that I’ve yet to settle, so many pending “assignments” and I just feel like leaving everything behind and escape somewhere..and then, I received something..

UltrasoundNo, it’s not mine.

Say hello to my nephew/niece to be..To make the post easier, I’ll pretend it’s a boy ok? and if it happens to be a girl, I’ll come back and change..=) Words can’t express the joy I felt when I saw this picture..I don’t know how to explain, but it somehow came at just the right time and it really encouraged me in a way that I’ve never felt before..In a somehow matured and adult way..It got me thinking about the baby, how he’s gonna be like, who is he gonna look like and stuff..and then it led to..What kind of auntie will I be to him? What kind of legacy will I be leaving for him? What are we, as people of this generation, doing to help the next generation?

And that really stirred up this spirit of just wanting to be the best that I can ever be..so that one day when he’s going through what I’m going through now, I can tell him that he’ll make it, without being a total hypocrite..that maybe one day, just maybe, he’ll say “when I grow up, I wanna be just like you..” it brought me to a place where I could see a piece of the bigger picture, of why we’re doing the things we’re doing now..it’s for them..we’re running this race now, charting new paths, going through different challenges so that in the future they can follow us, run along with us and hopefully someday, run ahead of us and do even greater things..and because of that, I won’t give up..I will hold on to this baton, and I will pass it on..

“Hey you, don’t even know what your name’s gonna be yet but thanks. Even though you’re only 7.73cm big right now, you’ve already made a difference in my life..Just like how your dad has always been there for me at just the right time, you’ve done that for me this time..Wow, you’re already following in his footsteps..haha..I can’t wait till you come into this world although I think it’ll be safer in there but I know you’re gonna grow up to be a great person..I hope you’ll read this one day when you feel discouraged and know that you’re awesome, even since u were only 7.73cm..I hope that I’ll be cool and you’ll like me, and I’m sure you’ll love our family cos I’d never trade it for any other family in the world..Be safe, and I’ll see you soon! =D  Much love, Eunice.”

yeah, we’ve got no time..My most over-used phrase since sem 3 started is “got no time to poop also, where got time to (insert whatever activity that’s fun)?” it’s so true..we’ve really got no time…so much to study, so much to memorise and exam’s coming in less than a month’s time..sigh~ Here we go again…just that this time round, it’s much tougher…

recently, I’ve been on a mission..Someone told me that I should always compare myself to me..and try to beat myself and be better than me…That’s what I’ve been doing, letting myself get stretched beyond belief, not backing down when I know I can opt to, not giving up when I feel it’s so much easier that way..just believing that even through this process of molding and shaping, that at the end of the day, Eunice Pui would be a better person, inside out. I just wanna be a better me.

So many things happening this few weeks, some more significant than others but I’ve learnt so much, experienced so much, felt so much..There were times when I felt super happy, other times when I felt relaxed, free, like everything that’s bothering me just evaporated, there were also nights where I just can’t sleep, thinking about everything and my mind’s on overdrive..and not too long ago, I felt something new..I remember how I used to tell God “break my heart for what breaks Yours”..yeah, I felt it..hard..the tears that I held back, the anger right after, the disappointment and loneliness I felt, then the acceptance after that..knowing that it’s your decision at the end of the day and I can’t do anything to change it..Gave me a whole new meaning to the word “friends” actually..SO many things, SO MANY….

well anyways, I finally decided to spend some time blogging so I did..not much but good enough..haha! I think I wanna go watch The Proposal alone..I think I will..yes, I will..hehe..good night everyone!

I Need You

Posted: March 12, 2009 in Of Life, Of Personal
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SO little time, SO much to do..

1) got AIR topic to finish by end of this month.
2) Summative 2 is coming up in April
3) EOS in May (Major exam..=S)
4) Revo is in about a week’s time
5) CPR Practical Exam on the 28th

I really don’t know how I can do this without You. There’s still so much more actually, but these few are the major ones.. Have been feeling very quite stressed out lately, feel like I can’t catch up with my studies, worried bout how I’ll do in my end of semester exam, and I’ve got so many more other things to handle, to look after and stuff..it gets scary at times and I feel like just giving up..sometimes I wake up in the morning, having no motivation what so ever cause it feels like the day ahead is so super heavy and I’ll somehow drown, crash or burn..but I find strength not from the things I see or myself, but in the One that’s greater than anything or anyone I’ll ever know..In Him, I find my courage to stand, to face my future and to believe.

I know that some people might say that how I’m living right now is crazy and probably stupid but then I can’t imagine myself without all these..Life would be SO boring eh? I can’t say that it’s easy for me..it’s really not..but I’m determined to pull through, praying for a miracle to happen, and waiting for my testimony..Heard from someone recently that “God puts us through tests so that He can give us testimonies” so here we go!

Holy Spirit, teach me how to…

[Away]

Posted: January 8, 2009 in Of Life, Of Personal
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Will be going off to Cameron Highlands again tomorrow..yeah, tell me about it…2 times in 2 weeks..crazy right?! haha..well, this time it’s not for holidays, it’s for OA..our mission trip. Really excited about going again..since it’s my 2nd time going, kinda know what to expect already but still, who knows la yea? Anything could happen, and I’m really expecting great things..Hope that we can go visit the other kampung as well..we’ll see how it goes..*fingers crossed* please keep us in prayers as we make our way in..much appreciated! =)

Right after that, I’ll be heading back to KK straight  and then to Kuching for CNY so I won’t be around in KL for like 3 weeks..gosh, im gonna feel so disconnected..=S oh well, shouldn’t think so far ahead yet..gotta focus on OA 1st…

Escaping? Hiding?
Call it whatever you like.
I want to get back there again,
to where it was just the two of us.
Nothing else mattered,
just You alone. 
Take me there again,
please God,
do You hear my heart calling?